Bad Customers: May they rot in hell

Well, here is a great story about a very bad customer. This fellow, bought some chocolates from a great chocolate shop. What did he buy, he bought ancho chili chocolates. Hot and spicy. Did he complain that there weren't hot enough. No!

Panty waist boy complained that they were too hot and wanted the chocolate manufacturer to actually replace it with the same confection but less hot. Is that incredible! The guy is a total freak. Not only is he a whimp but things that ooh, if I complain enough, I should get something new.

What a dick. This pissed me off.

Wil Wheaton you have crossed the line

OK. I always thought that your character was too whiny. (That's all we get here, btw, reruns of Wil Wheaton NG.) But after Donald Trump is done with me, I'm willing.

So, why do you speak for geekdom? It's so easy being a geek these days. In my papa's days, they had to start up the computer's diesel engine and let the whole water cooled mess cool for an hour before using it.

Canadians to the Right of me

We've had an influx of Canadians and newargers into Albania, sigh! I haven't said a single thing about Canadians because with the surge in their currency, no big deal, Albanian economics is a mess even if the country is most beautiful, don't get me started on the political situation, the Canadians have become the new Americans. Shit.

Look. I've been accused of not being a nice, fit and trim 175 cm strapping Albanian woman but rather a gay Jewish man living in Manhattan at 215 148th street apartment 3C. I ask you, would a Jew impersonate an Albanian? Oy vey! No way!

So, all you newagers who send me emails, you can just forget it.

Top Chef is getting better

Indeed, I want to have Tom C.'s baby. You'll have to stand in line The Donald. Sob. I hate you. BF(d), you too. Sob. I must be having my period.

Jacques Torres and Bobby Flay

Oh yes, the Dean at the so called French Culinary School and Bobby Flay, a slightly retarded graduate, what do they have in common? Both are my nemeses. Well, Bobby Flay is probably my Arch Nemesis though JT is getting to me.

On a rare visit to USA, I visited JT at his fake ol' world, not like Albania at all, DUMBO store. And what happened, he snuck out, I've no proof of this but I sense it to be true, and put a chocolate on my seat. I went all day with chocolate smeared on my white skirt. Shit. No Chocolate. Damn, I said chocolate. I got snucked off by JT.

I can't have two arch nemeses. Sorry, JT, you'll have to be second fiddle to BF(d). Maybe you could have a throw down with BF(d), I think he's a democrat, and see who will reign supreme and be my arch nemesis.

I have not posted because I have not been that pissed off

However, Bobby Flay, I'm still watching you. One day there will be a reckoning. Not a throw down but a reckoning.

Bobby Flay pisses off another one

And, I'm afraid, disappoints another. Yeah, it's a stupid show, Throw Down. I wanted to comment on slash food but I guess I got there too late.

Bobby Flay throws down with Donald Trump

Here in Albania, we love Donald Trump. All of the girls here want to have his baby or, if that couldn't be achieved, his toupée. If that isn't a hairpiece than he needs a trainer for his hair or probably a wrangler. Perhaps a weedwacker?

What is the apprentice then one big throw down? So, since Bobby Flay is the master of the throw down, he needs to challenge Donald Trump, the master of the put down. I mean, who in their right mind would like Omarosa, or whatever that that silly viper's name is? She is the single reason I really don't want to watch the new Celebrity Apprentice. Getting rid of that nice Playboy model and keeping this female! Ha! You go girl, I just ain't watching.

So, during one of the corporate board meetings, incomes Flay, no excuses this time Bobby, and throws down with Trump, picks up Ivonka, she looks nice and has a cute Russian name that would go over well here in Albania and ignores Donald, her brother, Jr. has his hair, what can I say?, and Eric. The tension builds and Flay throws down challenging Trump to a hair-off. I mean, he would lose if he challenged him to a check write-off. Or, since Flay loves to mix drinks, maybe he and The Donald could face off in a martini mix-off.

Or, Bobby, you could come to Albania and challenge me to a bonbon making contest! I'll pit my cherry cordials, technically a bonbon, against your cherry cordials anytime.

On another note, please Donald, come to Albania! We love you and your hair.

Bobby Flay throws down with Harold Dieterle

OK. My mother thinks that I, how do you say in English?, shot too high with Thomas Keller. Well, how about throwing down with the winner of Top Chef! That is, with Harold.

Is that more your speed? You could challenge him on perfect plating. He blew that in the first episode. Or, let's see, to a chicken and rice cook off. I'm sure you, Mr. Iron Chef, could handle that.

How would this work? Well, perhaps the Food Network, seeing the error of their ways, decides to do a show with Harold, Mr. Just Cookin'. And while they are interviewing him, Bobby Flay shows up to challenge him to a Risotto Cook Off. Or better, a duck cook off with ramps. Or maybe a perilla, urfa and yuzu cook off. I don't know. That's not the point. The point is, get some competition, buster. I'm not taking away from the pizza guy, the gingerbread lady or the soup guy or the puffy firkin taco duo, what I'm saying is, get a life. (Before you get too upset, a firkin is a small wooden barrel.)

I hope these posts are not upsetting you. Rather, I hope you throw down and meet me Tough Guy to Tuff Guyë. Come on, Bobby, do you have the balls to meet me on a level playing field or do you always have to challenge the sick and infirm?

Ignore my challenge, Mr. Iron Chef, at your peril. Chicken. I'll taunt you some more, you silly Irishman.

Bobby Flay throws down with Thomas Keller

What IS this business of making gingerbread houses? Sure, it looks cool and sure, it looks like Bobby Flay has balls because he is taking on challenges that are way outside his comfort zone. Fine. Now, let's get real. How about a throw down with teeth? Throwing down with the gingerbread lady is like me throwing down with a Girl Scout on selling cookies. The same goes for the Pastry Chef from the FCI who did wedding cakes, ditto, the clam chowder guy, ditto the Sargent who BBQ'ed, though that had more teeth than any others did. (Oh why am I even watching this crap? Ugh.)

Back to the Girl Scout. Sure, the Girl Scout has major advantage, being cute and having the green uniform, but where is the challenge? Could I sell more? Probably. I have a car. I have connections. Either its so one sided, me challenging a Girl Scout on selling cookies, or so one sided, me challenging the local short order cook to make a 10 course tasting menu. Now come on. Let's get a challenge with some dignity.

So, if Bobby Flay thinks he's so good, and I'm sure Mr. Iron Chef thinks he's good, how about challenging Thomas Keller. I can see it now. Bobby researching Chef Keller. Hmm, best known for revolutionizing cooking. Best known for having the best restaurant in the United States, perhaps the world. Best known for having opened up four top notch restaurants and a bakery. Strengths, everything culinary, weakness, ah, nothing. Hmm. What else? In 2003, Keller collaborated with Raynaud of Limoges, France and the design firm Level on a collection of graceful white porcelain dinnerware called Point, sold nationwide. He also entered a creative partnership with renowned silversmith Christofle in designing silver hollowware currently in use at The French Laundry and Per Se. In 2000, he launched Modicum, a Napa Valley Cabernet, with Laura Cunningham and Paul Roberts, The French Laundry’s Wine Director. Wow. As if being a great Chef and restaurateur weren't enough. Does this guy sleep? (I can see Bobby breaking into a sweat at this point.)

OK. How about challenging Thomas Keller to a nine course Southwest tasting menu? That might be something that you, Bobby Flay, might have a chance at. Doubt it but I'd like to see you try. Or how about making the best amuse buse? I'd pay money to see that. If you got balls, and Gwen says you do, do it. I can see it now...

Bobby Flay rolls up to the French Laundry on Monday during a big private party and challenges Thomas Keller who things that the food network wants to do a retrospective on him. All of a sudden during a one hundred head major event for Google, here comes Bobby Flay challenging Thomas Keller to an amuse buse throw down. Think of it. I'd pay real money to see that shit.

Barring that, I'm always ready to accept a throw down. How about a dessert throw down? Up for it? Plated desserts. Chocolates? Bon bons? Best cherry cordial? How about making South American food using the BBQ? Up for that? I'm not Thomas Keller or even close but it'd be a closer match than the gingerbread lady. You could at least beat me tough guy to Tuff Guyë rather than cookie to cookie. Think about it.

Man, I was rereading some of my older postings

I must have been channeling the evil on those days. It's just because I don't write in this blog unless I'm really pissed off at someone. Today, well, I'm still mad a Cold Core and I still have this sinking feeling that they are going to screw me but I'm not that pissed.

I don't know if this is good therapy or just an excuse to channel the evil. I'm going to say that this is 2 Lindsay Lohans short of the worst blog I've ever read. ;-)

Chocolate and Candy Display Case Problems

I am very unhappy right now. I ordered a great fixture, with tons of extras and options, for the new candy store that I am opening in the Greenville Arms. So far, the Cold Core, Inc.Alternative Air Store Fixtures case looked great.

I was promised that that case would leave on November 2nd and the arrive, absolutely, that Monday, on the 5th of November. I bugged David T. Moore every week or so and he kept on reassuring me that indeed, ship is 11/2. No problem.

Then, lo and behold, it was slipped to the end of this week. Then, with my grand opening looming, it was not until Friday, shipping for either Friday or Sat. Then it was shipping it for Sat.

Now it is shipping my Cold Core, that is, Alternative Air chocolate and candy cabinet not until Tuesday. However, that's a guarantee or else I get my shipping costs back. Sorry, David of Cold Core and sorry Mike of Alternative Air, that's already too late. That's just two days before the opening of my store. That's is unacceptable.

Fix this. I want this fixed right now.

If I could, I'd cancel this case and never buy there again. So, if anyone out there knows of a better manufacturer, I'm turning this into chocolate and candy display forum.
Maybe I should change the title of my blog.

I'm sure that the display counter will look OK and will work, I hope, but without time to check out whether this will work, how to set up the display, the opening, I feel, will be not as successful.
I've already had to put off the restaurant and wholesale opening till December. I am pissed off.

Parnips in plastic bags in grocery stores

Here's what I find funny. Parsnips in plastic bags in the produce section of a grocery store. They spray the plastic bagged parsnips like they do the lettuce and other raw, unwrapped veggies. So, what do you get? Fresher veggies or a soaked plastic bag? Answer: soaked plastic bag.

Now that pisses me off. Well it would if it weren't so funny.

And my kitchen has another new dishwasher

What is it with these drug addict felons. However, I've replaced the drug addict, heroin, I think, with a felon and then replaced him with a 19 year old hottie. Short but hot, nonetheless. Her only problem, used to work produce and doesn't like to do prep.

Now that pisses me off.

Top Chef: Is it still tops?

I'm not sure. If we look at what has come out of the show, Perilla and... What? What has that monkey Ilan done? And where is my favorite slut? Gail? Hey, what do I know?

I miss the somewhat chunky sex pot. I mean Padma is beautiful. She's even played on Enterprise but for raw sex, Gail, you're my babe.

This season isn't that good but it is WAY better than season two. These people are more like people. Thank you for having Steven, that putz, back on. And thanks for giving my man Tony his own blog.

Love you guys.

I also like Tim Gunn's Guide to Style. I also admire his positive spin. I would be just shaking my head and telling the slutty girl to hang it up. Or, what I would have done, is put some of her slutty clothes on the model. Or take her to the slut extreme.

Well, is this my cry of fame? Or what? Bravo TV. You're starting to become a character of yourself and so are your shows. Milk it baby. Breast milk it.

Why can't people have a vacation or at least a nice sit down?

It is amazing, I think, that people will go out to a resort, hotel, restaurant and rather than go on a vacation they bring their stupidity with them. Look people, let the serivce industry pamper you and enjoy it. The harder you work at not having fun, the harder we have to work. So, get with the enjoyment program and have fun.

Boy, that pisses me off.

Hey, check this great blog out: www.leavings.blogspot.com and www.tailings.blogspot.com

Where do I get the time on a Sat evening to write all this?

Bugger off, you wanker.

The Elderly

Yeah, you guessed it, the elderly. I have no problems with old people. We'll all get there if we're not already there. It's the elderly that piss me off. Listen all you elderly, leave the problem plumbing at home when you eat out and just enjoy yourself. And leave the newage Canadians at home with the dog, too.

Thanks. Next time you decide to vent in public, from any orifice, please don't. Next time you decide to ask for plain, steamed vegetables, don't. Eat your damn fruit cup and shut up.

Thanks.

Bobby Flay: A newage Canadian in disguise?

First of all, I went to Mr. Flay's restaurant Bolo. I ordered a sidecar. Now, I've had sidecars that were too lemony, too sweet, too dry, too much sugar on the rim, with bad cognac with you name it, whisky sour mix, and the list goes on. But this was the first time, Mr. Bobby Flay, that I had one made with horse piss!

Now, the Canadians among you, especially the newage Canadians, might just ask, "When did you taste horse piss for the first time?" And I would answer, "Bugger off you newage Canadians and go eat some fruit for dessert."

$15 for 4 tapas that were at best uninteresting! For shame! Plus, $10 for a glass of mediocre wine and the food, where do I start, well let me throw down a comment, it was not worth the time to chew it.

If you click on the link above, you can see the table, the first one on the right, that we sat at. If you can't find the link, then bugger off.

And to top it all off, Mr. Flay sends me a letter asking me if I want to enroll in his culinary school alma mata. Don't get me started on the French.

"No," I say, "no, Mr. Bobby Flay, not unless I want to make crap and horse piss food."

This is not exactly rubbing anything in your face, you newagers, but I will, so help me. But before I can do that, I have to rip the Dylan a new one.

That first post was for the fluffy new agers

Newagers kill people. I know you newagers will be flocking to this blog. So, this second post isn't for you. Stop reading and go have some green tea. Your day will come.

This second post is for everyone else, meaning Canadians and waiters. Yeah, Canadians kill people, too. I don't want to even talk about waiters. Waiters kill more people than newagers and Canadians combined.

What does a good diet consist of? It consists of food. Enough food to keep your body fueled. This means, you have to get your vitamins and enough calories to get up every day and reproduce. That's the long and short of it.

It doesn't consist of special purifying herbs to leach out the heavy metals, as if, from your blood so that you can become one with the culinary godhood. It could but it doesn't. It doesn't consist of not eating dessert or, Chef! help me, fruit after dinner because it'll ferment in your body. Everything with carbohydrates ferments in your alimentary canal. It doesn't consist of not eating fat because without fat, you're dead. It doesn't consist of not eating carbohydrates, because without carbohydrates, you're dead.

Food it not medicine. It is food. Medicine is medicine. Good food tastes good and bad food tastes bad. Not everyone can eat all foods. Some people have allergies or have trouble processing different foods. Don't eat those food but don't try and tell other people not to eat them.

Sugar and fat and cream and beef and lamb and sausage and wine of all types are all food and are good for you by definition. You have my permission to eat them but you do not have my permission to gorge yourself on them. Moderation, people. Moderation in all things including moderation. So, have a blow out when you are on vacation. Just don't drink and drive. Don't eat and drive or go in the pool and for Chef!'s sake, don't be stupid and drive.

Eat enough to provide the energy you need during the day. If you eat more, you get fat, if you eat less, you die. It's that simple. Stop making it more complicated. I hate newagers. I'm not that fond of waiters and I'm getting less and less fond of crazy Canadians.

Fruit for Life

If you're looking for a fight, you simpleton, you found it. Fermenting indeed.

Flatulence is more than just embarrassing--that buildup of air in your abdomen can become uncomfortable or even painful. Gas is caused by the fermentation of carbohydrates broken down by bacteria, a perfectly normal part of digestion. (From this article.) The upshot, stop eating milk, bran, beans, and other carbohydrates, if you can. Also, get off the low carb diets.

This isn't a feel good blog, rather, this is a blog where I tell you, especially the new-agers and waiters, what a bunch of wankers you are and you go away red faced but wiser. I wont even consider using the spellchecker.

I may also put recipes on this blog. I'm not sure you're worthy. I'll have to think about it. If I eat at a great restaurant, I'll rub your nose in it. In general, it's my ball so go soak your head.

Welcome! Now bugger off. Go fart somewhere else.

Comments welcome.